i think this guy is me..at least how i have looked and felt

ravenwycce.. thought of you while watching this..

Awesome video.

Im paraphrasing so i hope the author doesn't mind...

Relationships used to be about love, cherish, understanding, passion. Now we keep the one for the bills and someone else for the emotional side of things. Even then it doesn’t work out. Eventually, thanks to our current administration, we are forced to choose the pay-out way of life instead of being with the one who truly has our heart.

We are forced to settle.

We are told not to take chances. No matter what the cost. The point is eventually we all take chances, we all learn something from them. Some good lessons /some bad. Its those of use that learn the bad lessons that either recover or don't we either survive or we don't.

And sometimes we settle based on force of habit.

Sometimes those bad lessons are just that, bad lessons, nothing major was wagered and nothing major was lost.

However some of us learn our lessons through some pretty detrimental means, and sometimes that means that so much has been vested in a situation, that there is a very slight chance of a full or even partial recovery.

The main problem with that is, its that recovery which is critical to our survival, is attached to every piece of our heart, and yet again as most of us know, from experience, the heart doesnt always want to let go.

Even when it is battered and bruised.

As expected

I had a wonderful weekend with bruises to prove it

Actual 5

• found new business possibility
• had good conversation albeit an argument
• discover my mind CAN indeed stretch when needed
• filed tax paperwork for GK
• fell in love all over again
  

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5 or something like that...

Got to work a bit late today, been dealing with the excruciating jaw pain. My WonderDoctm felt like being my hero today and prescribe me some Ultracet. however this requires time and money to go pick it up. My Case manager back at the shelter told me there might be a program to help pay for it for me... Ill find out tomorrow. As for tonight, Tylenol in high dosages might be my only savior. My WonderDoctm Also told me that I am way too "young" to have Angina.


more later.

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getting a bit worried.

so yesterday at work i experienced debilitating chest pains and shortness of breath. This lasted for probably about 30 minutes.
The Initial pain was the worse. Now for those who dont know i have really crappy teeth, years of bullshit and what not. Well i was waiting for the end of this month when my insurance kicked in to start to take care of the whole dental issue...
yes these two are related.
cause, before the chest pains yesterday my teeth didnt hurt. right after and up til now. The pain in my mouth is so bad i barely slept.

INTERNET RESEARCH brings up Angina. Anyone else want to pass some comments this way ... would help.. (im NOT trying to obtain ANYTHING else with the "GINA" suffix)

advice/ comments??

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everything happens for a reason....right?

Yeah so here i am, sitting in my NEW apartment on MY high speed internet connection. basically i might as well be sitting with a thumb up my ass. im bored out of my mind. Mostly because im sitting here searching for a second job. with is very much needed considering i sat down with the salvation army people today and discovered that i need about another 200 a month JUST to cover my expenses.Seems as though my shelter living brough on some expenses that i wasnt really planning for.....namely more domain names, a virtual dedicated server, now my high speed internet, cigarette addicting and the almighty attempting to pay back my student loan. ::sigh:: of course that is all in addition to my transportation costs, electricity, my portion due to rent,and the percentage that the salvation army would like me or rather are forcing me to save.well anyway... at least im out of the shelter life.

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when is it time to let go?

I have without a doubt held on to things for longer than most people would have. Part is the abandonment issue. I guess i need to come to terms with the fact that i am not 5 years old. That everyone in this world has faced some kind of abandonment issue.
Mine however, inhibited me enough that i think i forced myself to stop developing after a certain point..
I think now is a good time to stop and let go, realize that death doesnt mean abandonment, it means just that... death. As far as my dad is concerned.... oh fucking well, the man will get over it... if he is able to abandon/ not talk to his only child, than HE is the one who will be judged, not me.

for me its just time i let go of living in the past.... its time to move on....

Alot of stuff going on...

some of the things i've been dealing with are... my boss who has been stealing from the company was finally let go. Making my co-worker the acting manager... Making it capable for me to ask for a well deserved raise.

I started up my Web and graphic design company, including webdesign,logo and hosting packages, pretty cool.  www.graphikreations.com go take a look.

About to head off to my yearly house-sitting gig, after that, 3 weeks, i will be getting a part-time job, just to support the apartment, which by the way the lease hasnt been signed yet. Note: salvation army has been a pain the ass about everything, and i mean everything.

Made some recent progress as far as relationships go, and the ability to sit down and deal with situations as they come up. Also started to explore more options as far as going outside are concerned.

More on that later.
got to start getting ready for work.

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